Like most of my SMS messages, I'd like
to open this blog post with an apology. I apologise that I've been
away for so long. I've been working hard in a new job and moved to
London, where distractions abound. I also apologise that the blog's
new focus on Fantasy Football is not reflected in a pithy pun in the
website URL. 'Let Me Be Your Fantasy', 'My Beautiful Dark
Twisted Fantasy', and 'Notorious FPL' were all considered, but
it was felt they lacked the combination of oblique pretence and
literary sincerity that 'Stream of Details' offers.
I do not and shall not, however,
apologise for the new subject matter. Among fans of the Premier
League, Fantasy Football is the great leveller, a common denominator
which lets obsessives of all shades test their wits against each
other. It pits the Walkabout loudmouth in his gold-lettered 'Champions 20' United jersey against the Sid Lowe-worshipping,
Raumdeuter-advocating football hipster, only for them both to
be beaten by the guy in your office who looks up Betfair clean sheet
odds and openly admits to preferring rugby. It is the acid test for
pub bores, counters of blocks and interceptions, and people who punch
the air after seeing that Marcin Wasilewski has got an assist. It is
played by over three million people and I absolutely love it.
 |
| Artist's impression of a FPL gamer |
My blog will be weekly and will break
down the previous gameweek in detail, before picking out useful
signings for the next round of matches. Bear in mind that I had
Diafra Sakho in my FPL team from as early as gameweek six last
season. As a trade-off, however, you will be subjected to at least
400 words of prose on a diverse range of topics. You'll laugh, you'll
cry, you'll wonder about the mental health of a single 24-year-old
with a full-time job who spends his free time detailing how Joel
Ward's ability to step into midfield makes him a valuable budget
addition to your defence.
A quick note – this blog will only
cover the official Premier League Fantasy game. For those of you
playing The Sun's version, I applaud your commitment to fighting the
European single currency and suggest you take a look here before demanding a refund. The rest of you, enjoy part one of
my season preview.
Part one – The Goalkeepers
Goalkeepers have traditionally been
somewhat isolated figures: lonely specialists standing on the
periphery of a team game. It is a role has always bred mavericks,
from Colombian 'keeper Rene Higuita and his kidnapping conviction to
former Hereford shot-stopper David Icke, now best known for his
'unconventional' views on the royal family. Albert Camus, meanwhile,
was a standout goalkeeper at youth level.
 |
| David Icke - the Hereford United years |
However, this eccentricity seems to be
fading from the art of goalkeeping. Perhaps it stems from
implementation of the backpass rule, forcing goalkeepers to use their
feet like anyone else, subliminally bringing their personalities into
line with the rest of the dressing room. Look at the new breed of
sweeper-keepers: identikit beanpoles with good feet and zero
charisma. There's Joe Hart and Manuel Neuer, the school bullies who
cried when they couldn't get a game outfield; Courtois and
Pantilimon, built in a lab out of discarded limbs from the 1980s
Boston Celtics team; and then you've got Brad Guzan. Could Brad Guzan
tell you anything interesting about Brad Guzan?
Liverpool's Simon Mignolet, then, with
his degree in Political Science from the Catholic University of
Leuven, might be seen as the Premier League's only concession to a
more off-the-wall era of goalkeeping. His footwork is similarly
retro, as time and again he uses both feet with equal skill to hammer
the ball out for throw-ins halfway inside the Liverpool half. This
poor distribution, coupled with a number of high-profile gaffes last
season, should have made Mignolet's position as the Reds' number one
untenable by now. Can you recall a single great Mignolet game?
 |
| Liverpool's Simon Mignolet: Garbage? |
He clings on to his role between the
sticks, however, as surely as he fails to cling on to any lofty back
post cross. Like a Tory government, he impresses nobody but survives
through fear of the alternative. Seeing off the challenge of Brad
“safe hands” Jones last season, he will be quietly confident of
remaining ahead of highly-rated youngster Adam Bogdan in the Anfield
pecking order this campaign. Game time is guaranteed.
Quietly and inconspicuously, he keeps
clean sheets too. The Belgian stopper somehow oversaw 14 shut-outs
last season, joint-highest in the league. Considering he will be
enjoy the luxury of playing behind a genuine right-back this season,
his 5.0 price tag looks a bargain.
 |
| A rose between two thorns |
My alternative suggestion is
Newcastle's Tim Krul, with the Netherlands international representing
a very solid rotation option at 4.5. In contrast to Mignolet, Krul is
all about the glory games. Right from his debut as a 17-year-old
against Palermo to his 14-save freakshow against Tottenham, Krul has
put up shows of defiance to which General Custer himself might
aspire. Unsurprisingly, playing behind the likes of “Iron” Mike
Williamson and Paul Dummett, these clean sheets don't come around as
regularly as Fantasy managers might like, but when they arrive they
tend be accompanied by Bonus and Saves points.
